December 2010
27 posts
To everyone that wants to know, this is what...
I have said some of this before. This is for the people that believe I turned in Jake for the whole stupid facebook thing, but it’s also for me to lay out the story so I can clear my mind. Set it straight and keep it organized. So I can remember.
As said before, Freshman Year: First, I believe that everyone, at some point in their lives, goes through a time of “depression”, or...
This may sound cheesy,
But I want to “like” someone. I don’t even need them to feel the same way, I just miss wanting to be with someone, dreaming at night about someone.
I really wish there was a secret camera crew that followed me around when I ate food. I should be beyond obese from the crap I stuff into my body. Thank you Jesus for physical activity.
“There is something revolting inside of me. It’s stealing my joy.”
Last night was another battle. My fire was released and the tears fought to leave my body. But I didn’t back down, I almost let it have me. I was so close to not smiling. What held me together, I do not know. Most likely my training took its part unknowingly. My hands were trembling, my body was failing, but my spirit fought. And it won.
My emotions are brown. (Metaphor)
I am so sick of people being helpless. I can’t stand weak people, I have no pity. People who feel sorry for themselves and talk about how no one understands and how no one is there for them and how the people that are there for them will eventually leave. Grow up. Use your mind. You don’t need to lift weights to be strong. Stop acting like the world is ending because no one loves you....
I settle my anger with cold. I step outside and stay there till every inch of my body is numb. It doesn’t numb my anger, but it eases my mind. It gives me something to fight against. It lets me release my anger, for a while that is, till the next time it resurfaces. You know, I don’t even realize it, but due to the fact I love being alone, I’m isolating myself slowly and...
It’s a dark, sweet, free innocence. It’s a bit peculiar, never making up it’s mind, always seeing the upside to the different choices. It’s joyful and beautiful. It’s strong and sincere. It has good intentions. It yearns for the world instead of a condensed city. It’s open and accepting. It fails sometimes. It has a weakness that is unknown. It’s fighting...
All is never lost.
I’m reading this book called The Child Thief. It’s a twisted version of Peter Pan basically. It obviously has a much deeper meaning then just a silly wicked boy stealing lost, beaten, homeless, unloved children to help him protect something he loves. It has a new age religion vibe going on, including the bashing of Christians and the cursing of God. If it wouldn’t of had these...
“I hate my family. They seriously don’t know that there is a world around...”
– This is my inner darkness speaking. Still the sad truth though.
“I started my quest today. I didn’t think, I just did. I felt something...”
“I wish I could feel physically helpless. Not my body, but my strength to fight...”
“Being lost in my own world is wonderful. Nothing makes sense there, it just...”
I was too prideful today. I took to much credit. I was rude, I stooped to his level. Even if he was boiling with anger, I should of ignored the fact that he was even there. I had an interesting fake conversation between myself and him on my way home. Snap, it was good. Now how to be the bigger person. Ignore him altogether? Or apologize without showing weakness?
Pray.
Bingo
I’m starding to build my shield and earn my sword. Courage is inside me. I can feel it’s boldness growing stronger. I was born a fighter, a warrior, a protector. At this very moment I just realized my life up to and including this point has been my training. There are still many things to learn, many battles to fight and a war to finish. Ready or not, it’s time. Be brave, be...
“The darkness is calling. A little danger, a little risk. Feel your heart race....”
– The Child Thief
I wish every person in the world would lose their ability to speak. Just sing. But not words. Just sounds.
Seriously, this kid. He pretty much fits every aspect of Haley Hancock’s perfect man. Now only if he has a once-in-a-while-explosive-anger…. he would complete my life.
Why is it all of a sudden the new thing to be “dark?” Why do you have to be mysterious and deep and into acoustic music and different and depressed yet at the same time be the life of the party and the girl who sits in the corner scoffing at people wasting their lives. It’s ridiculous! I’m going to stop trying. I have too many standards. But at least here I’m safe....
These are about the only bands I listen to and...
The Beatles. Thriving Ivory. Train. Rise Against.
Let it be.
Do you believe in the day that you were born?
Did you dance along the light of day?
We don’t live we just survive.
oh goodness.
When they can participate in what’s going on without trying to be the center of attention.
When they don’t talk a lot when they’re not around a few guys.
When they smile because they think you’re funny.
When they let people lead until there is moment where they need to step in.
When they are strong, so strong, impeccably strong, but not perfect.
When they have a past...
Buddy, this one's for you.
This is why your not a man:
You conform.
You are blatantly rude to girls.
You have no respect.
All of a sudden you are incapable of being human, of being nice, of being pleasant.
You don’t listen.
I remember when I first met you. Freshman year. I was dating Jordan. I was in such a dark phase of my life, and the only one who reached out to me during this time, was you. You were nice to...
Happy Christmas Coco, Happy Christmas John.
I’m ready to burst. Whether it be anger, sadness, or joy, I need to let it loose.
It doesn’t need to sound pretty. It doesn’t need to make sense. I just needs to grasp people’s attention.
I’m starting to see who I am.
Punch me, I want to know what it feels like.
This is nothing metaphorical. I just wonder what pain feels like. Sometimes I forget. Pain always brings fire out in people, maybe thats why I like it. People’s words directed towards me 99.8% of the time do not even cross my mind, but being underestimated pulls at my bones. I said it before, if I could eliminate one thing from this world it...
“Take interest in people no matter how loud, quiet, annoying, nice, smart, dumb,...”